Most of the time, I write because there is a story in my head that won't let me go. It's like a puzzle, to put it down on paper and get all the pieces in the right place so you can sit back at the end and see the beautiful thing you've created. But it's also almost like compulsory vomit-- I just can't help myself. The story won't let me stop thinking about it, so I write it. That's nice, but not always pleasant. And there's a lot of pressure there.
As most of you know (because you were reading the Archives when it was happening), I got married last year. And during the summer leading up to my wedding, I was working full-time, volunteering at three different places, and generally being an all-around busy person. So I didn't write. Well, sort of. I wrote, but not a lot. And the book that I was working on still needs a lot of work before I can feel comfortable calling it done.
But that was okay, because I was pretty busy, and it was a totally fun project.
Right now, I'm not particularly busy, but I'm still not writing. Mostly because I finished a HUGE, labor-intensive project not too long ago, and am waiting for beta feedback on it. But also partly because I'm just feeling... empty.
That's not to say I don't have projects I could work on. There's the unfinished one from last year that I owe a lot of people to finish. I have ideas for at least two non-fiction books. And another unfinished commercial fiction that's been tickling me lately. And I wrote the first eleven pages of a new fantasy YA a few weeks ago.
But nothing's grabbing me right now. Nothing is grabbing me and not letting go. And that's the way I like to write-- grabbed by my story. Otherwise, it's just work.
I'm not afraid of work. I'm just not motivated to do it right now.
And you know what? It's kind of nice. I'm a little bored most evenings, sure, but I am letting myself do other things besides write. Like pay attention to my husband, and freak out my bunny by opening her cage door. (Seriously. She freaks. It's hilarious. But in a good way). I can go have nice long training sessions with my horse, and study for work. I can maybe even get to work on our second bathroom re-model.
But I know it's just a matter of time before something grabs me. Something powerful, and wonderful, and strong. And off I will go again.
In the meantime, though, I'm going to focus on the book I should be focusing on. And continue being an evil bunny mother.
Sometimes it's nice to NOT be writing. But I still wouldn't trade it for the world.
What do you do with yourself when you're empty?