On the Jewish holiday Passover there is a question that is asked before a family starts to eat.
“What makes this night different than all other nights?”
Passover was always my favorite holiday growing up because, although on every night we ate, this night we ate things that meant something. We sat around the table together and talked about why they were important and why we cared and how other families had been doing the same thing for literally thousands of years. To this day Passover is the only day out of the year I eat meat. Not only because lamb is SO good but because of the symbolism of the animal sacrifice.
To me what separates a ritual from a habit is the significance we give it. We have the power to turn a simple, everyday occurrence like a family meal into something that lasts for a thousand years. And it all happens inside our heads.
Here are a few of the rituals I encounter in my daily life and the significance I see in them.
Reaching for the Moon
When I was in high school I read Howard Pyle's The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood (fantastic amazing book. Go read it now.) In that book the merry men are philosophizing to each other before embarking on their day of robbing, witty comebacks', and getting into fights. Will Scarlet quotes that “He who leaps for the moon and touches it not still leaps higher than he who stoops for a penny.” To which Robin Hood, being the cheeky little bugger that he is, replies “Aye, but he who stoops for a penny still gets the penny while he who leaps for the moon gets nothing.”
Personally I agree with Scarlet on this one. I'd rather grasp for what I want and will never have than content myself with working for things I don't particularly care about because I know I can get them. So, to remind myself of this, every time I find a penny of the ground I jump up and try to touch the moon. No really, I do. Even now at twenty four years old.
Though to be honest I usually pick up the penny afterward.
Never Sit At the Same Desk Twice
Or at least, not too often. I know most people like to find one desk in a class room and sit in it every class session, and I apologize to those people who's seats I periodically steal, but . . . the same spot? Every day? At the same time? For sixteen weeks? It would drive me crazy. So rather that adopting the ritual of sitting in the same place I've adopted the ritual of stepping into the classroom and thinking for about ten seconds about where I should sit.
What does this ritual symbolize in my head? Keeping myself on my toes. Gaining new perspectives. Trying new things (baby steps ok. Escargot and bungee jumping will come later--- Actually no. No it won't. But maybe *gasp* skipping breakfast and staying out past ten will).
Masterpiece Theater and Wine
This my absolute favorite ritual. Every Sunday night at nine o clock I open up a bottle of two buck chuck and switch the channel to PBS to see what that week's Masterpiece special is (AHHHH! This Sunday is going to be the last episode of Downton Abbey. NOT FAIR). Even if I've seen it before or it's not a particularly great program I still watch it.
I usually do this with my mom (although since Downton my sister and even my thirteen year old brother have joined in. Minus the wine for the brother of course.), so in that sense this is a straight forward bonding ritual, but there is also something significant in opening wine for the occasion and in waiting for the time slot on the TV channel rather than prerecording it. It makes it a ceremony, a moment that can't be repeated throughout the rest of the week. Those few hours are a time for me to savor the last remaining moments of the weekend before going back to the same old work drill of Monday morning.
So what about you? Do you prescribe any personal meanings to the things you do throughout the week? What makes this moment different than all other moments?
Dedication
Desecrate my temple with a candle
With flames that burn beyond the final sleep
Incense drowned in a bequeathed ritual
Lit by men long dead for us to keep
Prepare me for my burial with gifts
As scalded wax drips down sacred pillars
Teach me the truths that ceremony sifts
And learn the innocence hidden by scars
Hear cries of children never born as kings
And pay homage to their everlasting sire
Screams of purity torn from time's sweltering
Defile my memory for every missing fire
Defy the spark dimmed by the fall of breath
As vibrancy passes through strains of birth
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Rituals: Cleaning
The ritual I'm going to share with you today is: cleaning.
So exciting, I know! I had a very hard time coming up with the ritual to share (even though this week's theme was my idea ... yeah, that was so smart of me). But cleaning is something everyone has to do, and I'll bet we all go about it differently. Some people set a day every week to clean. Some people hide things in closets or shove piles of stuff along the walls until the sheer lack of floor space FORCES them to clean (this is me a lot of times). Some people pick up as they go because they can't stand a messy house (I envy these people!). Some people hire a cleaning person (I envy these people too!).
My husband and I have agreed that he does the dishes and I do the laundry. I absolutely hate doing the dishes, and he hates doing laundry so it worked out great. Except I'm a big slacker and we tend to have overflowing laundry bins and run out of clean pants. But as far as rituals go, here's what we do when it's time to really get down to clean:
- Start with the easy stuff - Generally, hubs works on the dishes while I start a load of laundry. I know some people work on the hard stuff first, but for cleaning the hard stuff (steam cleaning the floors, wiping down counters, etc.) is usually buried under piles of stuff.
- We stick together - Working together makes it not such a lonely task. And we can make sure one of us doesn't find his/her way to the couch or computer.
- We blast the Pandora music - Everything is better when you're rocking out.
- We take a burrito break - Cleaning really works up an appetite, and generally the solution for a hungry hungry housekeeper is a California burrito from our local Mexican food joint.
- We tackle one area at a time - It's more satisfying to get one room nice and clean than working on every room at once, thus only making it slightly cleaner everywhere. This is easier said than done because I get distracted easy.
- We reward ourselves with a movie - Hubs tends to fizzle long before I do, and he often tries to get me to take a break and watch a movie. So I usually say that once we're finished, the movie can be our reward.
Do you do it differently? It's a rare day that we actually clean our place from top to bottom, and we generally only get a little bit done. Perhaps just getting rid of all our junk would help!
Sorry again that this post is a bit late. I hope you all had a fabulous Valentine's Day (our at-home fondue was super delicious!).
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Rituals of Our Lives
Oh! Hi! I didn't see you there. I was too busy having deep thoughts about this week's theme: rituals.
Everyone has them. Some of us more so than others. Sometimes rituals are just cycles of life repeated in the same order, sometimes they're hallowed and sacred, and sometimes they're less than pleasant. But this week, the Alliteratus will tell you all about a ritual, or rituals, we find ourselves using in our lives.
Not every ritual has a structure. Some, like getting ready for work in the morning, seem to happen on auto-pilot. (I don't actually remember putting on my clothes this morning, but I appear to be wearing them, so that's good). Some rituals only crop up every now and then, and others aren't really rituals so much as superstition. But all of them have one thing in common-- rhythm. Rituals are the rhythm of our lives. We live our lives in cycles, circles, relationships-- and rituals. Go to sleep, wake up, get ready, leave, drive somewhere, do stuff, come home, make dinner, go to sleep.
The thing is, I find a lot of comfort in rituals. A large part of this has to do with a mental disorder I suffer from. I'll share more about that at some later date, but for right now it's enough for you to know that I have it. This disorder makes me uncomfortable with surprises, especially social ones. I have my daily ritual-- do the things that everyone else wants me to do, and then there's my free time. My free time is especially cherished, it's usually when I write, or decompress from the day by looking at pictures of cats online. If something comes along on a day when I'm really looking forward to my free time, I will do everything I can to avoid it. If a friend wants to make last minute plans, I usually can't make it. Give me a couple days' warning next time, I say.
I have a handful of very impulsive friends. They are the friends I see the least.
It's not that I don't want to spend time with them, or that I think my free time is more important than spending time with them. In fact, I often find myself sitting at home later thinking, "I should have gone. I miss ____, and it would have been fun to see them/ spend time with them."
A large part of it has to do with being physically (mentally) unable to change course on my day once I've decided what I'm going to do with it. That doesn't mean I'm inflexible; in fact, I'm far from it. And I'm not certain exactly where the threshold is. All I know is that once I've reached the point where doing ANYTHING except going home and relaxing sounds fun, I probably can't make myself do it.
I actually really hate this aspect of myself, because I know I've disappointed friends and family with it in the past. Sometimes, I do already have plans. Sometimes, they're self-imposed deadlines on a project I'm working on. Sometimes, I'm just done for the day and have already decided exactly when I'll go into shutdown mode. Either way, that ritual, of coming home and turning off-- usually after a full day of being ON-- is the one ritual I can't seem to break. At least not without warning a day or two in advance.
As for other rituals, well-- I could, quite literally, write a novel about them if I had to. It is, after all, the nature of my disease. Luckily, most of them are mental, which basically means I spend a lot of time stuck in my own head, and forgetting about real-world responsibilities. So if I've ever forgotten to email/ call/ text/ facebook/ tweet you back, I'm sorry. You deserve better. Thanks for being patient.
This was a tad more depressing and a bit more forthright than I'd planned, but you know what? I regret nothing. Sometimes, seeing a window into the head of someone you know helps you understand them a little bit more. Maybe you'll understand me a bit better after reading this.
Do you have any unbreakable rituals?
Everyone has them. Some of us more so than others. Sometimes rituals are just cycles of life repeated in the same order, sometimes they're hallowed and sacred, and sometimes they're less than pleasant. But this week, the Alliteratus will tell you all about a ritual, or rituals, we find ourselves using in our lives.
Not every ritual has a structure. Some, like getting ready for work in the morning, seem to happen on auto-pilot. (I don't actually remember putting on my clothes this morning, but I appear to be wearing them, so that's good). Some rituals only crop up every now and then, and others aren't really rituals so much as superstition. But all of them have one thing in common-- rhythm. Rituals are the rhythm of our lives. We live our lives in cycles, circles, relationships-- and rituals. Go to sleep, wake up, get ready, leave, drive somewhere, do stuff, come home, make dinner, go to sleep.
The thing is, I find a lot of comfort in rituals. A large part of this has to do with a mental disorder I suffer from. I'll share more about that at some later date, but for right now it's enough for you to know that I have it. This disorder makes me uncomfortable with surprises, especially social ones. I have my daily ritual-- do the things that everyone else wants me to do, and then there's my free time. My free time is especially cherished, it's usually when I write, or decompress from the day by looking at pictures of cats online. If something comes along on a day when I'm really looking forward to my free time, I will do everything I can to avoid it. If a friend wants to make last minute plans, I usually can't make it. Give me a couple days' warning next time, I say.
I have a handful of very impulsive friends. They are the friends I see the least.
It's not that I don't want to spend time with them, or that I think my free time is more important than spending time with them. In fact, I often find myself sitting at home later thinking, "I should have gone. I miss ____, and it would have been fun to see them/ spend time with them."
A large part of it has to do with being physically (mentally) unable to change course on my day once I've decided what I'm going to do with it. That doesn't mean I'm inflexible; in fact, I'm far from it. And I'm not certain exactly where the threshold is. All I know is that once I've reached the point where doing ANYTHING except going home and relaxing sounds fun, I probably can't make myself do it.
I actually really hate this aspect of myself, because I know I've disappointed friends and family with it in the past. Sometimes, I do already have plans. Sometimes, they're self-imposed deadlines on a project I'm working on. Sometimes, I'm just done for the day and have already decided exactly when I'll go into shutdown mode. Either way, that ritual, of coming home and turning off-- usually after a full day of being ON-- is the one ritual I can't seem to break. At least not without warning a day or two in advance.
As for other rituals, well-- I could, quite literally, write a novel about them if I had to. It is, after all, the nature of my disease. Luckily, most of them are mental, which basically means I spend a lot of time stuck in my own head, and forgetting about real-world responsibilities. So if I've ever forgotten to email/ call/ text/ facebook/ tweet you back, I'm sorry. You deserve better. Thanks for being patient.
This was a tad more depressing and a bit more forthright than I'd planned, but you know what? I regret nothing. Sometimes, seeing a window into the head of someone you know helps you understand them a little bit more. Maybe you'll understand me a bit better after reading this.
Do you have any unbreakable rituals?
Friday, February 10, 2012
With cat-like tread, upon my dream I steal
For the last few months, I've found myself lamenting (admittedly more than once twice a million times) that I "just need a tiny success. Not a miracle, just a success." It's no secret that I've been agented and on submission for quite some time with a few dead books in my lap. It's not fun, I'll tell you that. But it's necessary and it's just the luck of the game sometimes.
However, the last few months have been getting to me, hence the need for a tiny success.
I wish this was the post where I got to tell you fantastic news about how it finally all worked out and I'm finally a millionaire and I finally get to meet my silver fox of a crush Kevin Kline who will be starring in the movie adaptation of my NYT bestselling book. But it's not. That dream hasn't come true quite yet.
And I wish I could tell you that some wise old man gave me an inspiring talk about learning to recognize the dreams that come true right in front of our eyes. And that the wise old man was Kevin Kline. But it's not.
And sometimes it's hard to count our blessings when we are trying ever so hard not to be upset over that teensy weensy particular blessing that just hasn't come our way yet. But the theme this week is a dream come true, not Marie writing angsty high school poetry to herself about having to wait and work for what she wants. I pine! I pale! I am late to English.
So!
Tonight we celebrated my daughter's second birthday. At the risk of getting nauseatingly sentimental, let me just say that today's tiny success---heck, let's just make it this YEAR'S tiny success---has been seeing her blow out her candles, pop balloons with her friends and stay up well past bedtime eating enough cake and ice cream to rot out every tooth we've tried to grow so far. She's healthy and by darn, tonight she was happy! I guess that's my dream come true...at least coming true every day that she is.
Is that a cop out? My dream is having a happy kid reach two years old without either of us killing each other. Done! Come true!
Oh yeah, I also moved overseas. That was pretty rad, too.
Any dreams come true for you guys out there? While you're thinking, here's some singing Kevin Kline to roll around in like catnip. I usually end posts with a lolcat, but this will have to do. Me-wow!
However, the last few months have been getting to me, hence the need for a tiny success.
I wish this was the post where I got to tell you fantastic news about how it finally all worked out and I'm finally a millionaire and I finally get to meet my silver fox of a crush Kevin Kline who will be starring in the movie adaptation of my NYT bestselling book. But it's not. That dream hasn't come true quite yet.
And I wish I could tell you that some wise old man gave me an inspiring talk about learning to recognize the dreams that come true right in front of our eyes. And that the wise old man was Kevin Kline. But it's not.
And sometimes it's hard to count our blessings when we are trying ever so hard not to be upset over that teensy weensy particular blessing that just hasn't come our way yet. But the theme this week is a dream come true, not Marie writing angsty high school poetry to herself about having to wait and work for what she wants. I pine! I pale! I am late to English.
So!
Tonight we celebrated my daughter's second birthday. At the risk of getting nauseatingly sentimental, let me just say that today's tiny success---heck, let's just make it this YEAR'S tiny success---has been seeing her blow out her candles, pop balloons with her friends and stay up well past bedtime eating enough cake and ice cream to rot out every tooth we've tried to grow so far. She's healthy and by darn, tonight she was happy! I guess that's my dream come true...at least coming true every day that she is.
Is that a cop out? My dream is having a happy kid reach two years old without either of us killing each other. Done! Come true!
Oh yeah, I also moved overseas. That was pretty rad, too.
Any dreams come true for you guys out there? While you're thinking, here's some singing Kevin Kline to roll around in like catnip. I usually end posts with a lolcat, but this will have to do. Me-wow!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Dream Come True: My Magic Carpet
For the past five years there has been something that has been alluding me.
A driver's license and a car.
Sometimes it's not so bad walking to the store, especially in a small town like I live in, and buses can be a pretty interesting place to observe people, but there is definitely a lack of freedom in not having wheels. I remember a particularly bad night a couple years ago when my ride to a drive in theater excursion thought I had another ride home and left early . . .
In such situations I would sigh and say "This would be so much easier if I had a magic carpet." But alas, there was naught I could do but wish, visit the DMV yet again, and remember where my bus pass was.
Until about six months ago
Meet The Magic Carpet
Shimmering in gene-lamp gold and ready to take me wherever I wish to go.
Well maybe not everywhere. I'm still working on how I'm going to drive him across the pacific.
Truth to tell I still walk to the store more often than not (because gas is expensive and I could always use the exercise and fresh air) but there is something now present that wasn't before.
Choice.
A delicious delectable word if ever there was one.
And believe me this dream did not come easily. It took three driver's permits, a zillion bus rides, endless nagging for licensed drivers to risk their life as my passenger, and I've long lost count of how many hours I've spent in the DMV trying to make this happen.
But it did. Eventually it did and that makes me very happy indeed.
A driver's license and a car.
Sometimes it's not so bad walking to the store, especially in a small town like I live in, and buses can be a pretty interesting place to observe people, but there is definitely a lack of freedom in not having wheels. I remember a particularly bad night a couple years ago when my ride to a drive in theater excursion thought I had another ride home and left early . . .
In such situations I would sigh and say "This would be so much easier if I had a magic carpet." But alas, there was naught I could do but wish, visit the DMV yet again, and remember where my bus pass was.
Until about six months ago
Meet The Magic Carpet
Shimmering in gene-lamp gold and ready to take me wherever I wish to go.
Well maybe not everywhere. I'm still working on how I'm going to drive him across the pacific.
Truth to tell I still walk to the store more often than not (because gas is expensive and I could always use the exercise and fresh air) but there is something now present that wasn't before.
Choice.
A delicious delectable word if ever there was one.
And believe me this dream did not come easily. It took three driver's permits, a zillion bus rides, endless nagging for licensed drivers to risk their life as my passenger, and I've long lost count of how many hours I've spent in the DMV trying to make this happen.
But it did. Eventually it did and that makes me very happy indeed.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A Dream (Not) Deferred
I've had many dreams in the past 28 years. Become a nuclear physicist, fly to the moon, write an epic fantasy trilogy, play video games for a living, and so on and so forth. While some of them aren't ever going to happen (nuclear physicist for example), I'm finding out this is an all right thing. Everyone needs dreams, no matter whether they happen or don't, because having a dream is what makes life interesting. Or at least I hope it does otherwise why the heck are we talking about them?
We're supposed to talk this week about our dreams that came true recently. I've had a few of those in recent weeks, so I'm going to devote a little capsule to each.
First is that I found a full-time job close to home. Not just any full-time job either; this is a place where I can have a real impact on the company's future. For someone like me that's a big deal, especially because I've felt like a cog in a wheel for awhile now. It's a brilliant company run by passionate people, and I'm proud to work here alongside them.
Second is that the Kickstarter goal for Doctor Fantastique's Show of Wonders was met at the end of January. This means we can do some fascinating things with the print edition of the magazine, and puts the publication on the road to profitability.
Last, but most certainly not least, is finding out Her Highness the Missus and I are expecting child numero uno. I adore children (convinced I never matured past 9 years old), and the idea of being a father gets me highly excited. It's going to be a tough thing to do right, but when have y'all ever known me to shy away from the tough stuff?
So those are the dreams of mine that have come true lately. Anything you want to add?
We're supposed to talk this week about our dreams that came true recently. I've had a few of those in recent weeks, so I'm going to devote a little capsule to each.
First is that I found a full-time job close to home. Not just any full-time job either; this is a place where I can have a real impact on the company's future. For someone like me that's a big deal, especially because I've felt like a cog in a wheel for awhile now. It's a brilliant company run by passionate people, and I'm proud to work here alongside them.
Second is that the Kickstarter goal for Doctor Fantastique's Show of Wonders was met at the end of January. This means we can do some fascinating things with the print edition of the magazine, and puts the publication on the road to profitability.
Last, but most certainly not least, is finding out Her Highness the Missus and I are expecting child numero uno. I adore children (convinced I never matured past 9 years old), and the idea of being a father gets me highly excited. It's going to be a tough thing to do right, but when have y'all ever known me to shy away from the tough stuff?
So those are the dreams of mine that have come true lately. Anything you want to add?
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Dreams Come True
"No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." - Cinderella
This week's theme is A Dream Come True. A dream really is a wish your heart makes. But as we all know, you can't just wish your dreams into reality. Which makes them that much sweeter when you achieve them.
I was going to say that my dream that came true was my promotion at work. While that was an awesome and amazing thing, I don't think it qualifies as a "dream" because I still have room to grow in my career. It doesn't feel like I'm living a dream - yet.
So after some thought, I'm going to use a dream that happened more than a year ago but sometimes I still can't believe it actually happened (I know I've mentioned it before). This place that I live in, the one with the WALLS and the TWO BATHROOMS and the FIREPLACE and many other amazing things, it belongs to Hubs and me!!
No one else!
And when we bought our condo, so many others dreams came true with it. Picking out new carpet and taping those little paint cards on the wall to figure out what color to paint. AND THE WASHER/DRYER! No more community laundry where people steal your clothes and you try not to think about their underwear tumbling in that same machine. (I am a bit of a germaphobe. Please don't ask me to house sit so I have to sleep in your bed - no offense!)
The dream that came true for me was buying a condo and turning it into a home.
And even though we will eventually buy a house with a yard and get a dog (a future dream), I'm not in a hurry. I can see us living here for a solid few years. And considering that a couple of years ago I thought home ownership was so far out of reach, I'm living the dream right now.
What dreams (even small ones) have you achieved?
P.S. - A very small dream will be coming true soon! Ever since my birthday in September, I've been dying to go to Disneyland but the Pirates ride was closed and then I wanted everything to be back to normal after Christmas. So now we finally get to go!! Yay!!
This week's theme is A Dream Come True. A dream really is a wish your heart makes. But as we all know, you can't just wish your dreams into reality. Which makes them that much sweeter when you achieve them.
I was going to say that my dream that came true was my promotion at work. While that was an awesome and amazing thing, I don't think it qualifies as a "dream" because I still have room to grow in my career. It doesn't feel like I'm living a dream - yet.
So after some thought, I'm going to use a dream that happened more than a year ago but sometimes I still can't believe it actually happened (I know I've mentioned it before). This place that I live in, the one with the WALLS and the TWO BATHROOMS and the FIREPLACE and many other amazing things, it belongs to Hubs and me!!
No one else!
And when we bought our condo, so many others dreams came true with it. Picking out new carpet and taping those little paint cards on the wall to figure out what color to paint. AND THE WASHER/DRYER! No more community laundry where people steal your clothes and you try not to think about their underwear tumbling in that same machine. (I am a bit of a germaphobe. Please don't ask me to house sit so I have to sleep in your bed - no offense!)
The dream that came true for me was buying a condo and turning it into a home.
And even though we will eventually buy a house with a yard and get a dog (a future dream), I'm not in a hurry. I can see us living here for a solid few years. And considering that a couple of years ago I thought home ownership was so far out of reach, I'm living the dream right now.
What dreams (even small ones) have you achieved?
P.S. - A very small dream will be coming true soon! Ever since my birthday in September, I've been dying to go to Disneyland but the Pirates ride was closed and then I wanted everything to be back to normal after Christmas. So now we finally get to go!! Yay!!
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